Saturday, November 28, 2009

Friday The 13th (2009)

It seems as though every two weeks the world is treated to yet another horror movie ’re-imagining’. This time around, the classic slasher flick Friday The 13th gets the now-obligatory make-over, but unfortunately, the movie fails to offer anything new or original to the over-populated genre.

A common criticism of horror movies similar to Friday The 13th is the lack of relatable, memorable, or even remotely interesting characters. Friday The 13th is certainly no exception. Not only do all of the men and women look exactly the same (perfect), but they seem to have little to no intelligence what so ever.

Complaining about such issues is completely redundant however, because everybody knows the only character worth discussing is the big guy himself, Jason Voorhees. Jason has become quite a celebrity in the 29 years since his debut. One could find his iconic hockey mask on a variety of official merchandise, including countless t-shirts, action figures, video games, and Halloween costumes, but what is it about Jason that attracts such a large audience? He is a lumbering, mindless zombie, who’s only goal in life is to satisfy his unquenchable lust for blood. His violent actions are motivated by the untimely death of his mother, but they’re almost never justified.. The promiscuous, party-obsessed victims he encounters appear to be at least 25 years old, well above the legal drinking age. Besides, is there really anything that bad about topless water-skiing? I think not.

In addition to his bizarre desire to terrorize his unsuspecting victims, Jason’s dirty work in Friday The 13th is extremely uninspired and rushed. After ultra-violent movies such as Saw and Hostel virtually de-synthesized movie-goers to on-screen carnage, Jason’s quick ’work’ seem rather tame in comparison. Whenever a scene of violence takes place, the quick camera cuts make it extremely difficult to see exactly what’s going on, and it’s over quicker than it began. In short, the over-long setups are simply not worth the disappointing pay-offs.

The overall design and look of Friday The 13th is incredibly similar to that of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre remake in 2003. Coincidently, the two movies were made by the same director, Marcus Nisbel. There is nothing new in terms of style, none at all. The modernized, digital look to the film is now the standard of the industry, and the sets are nothing impressive. In fact, I often found myself scratching my head as to where Jason acquired all of the supplies he had stored in his house.

In all honesty, there is simply nothing new here. The only reason this movie is being billed as a ‘remake’ of the original Friday The 13th is to sell more tickets, it might as well be called ‘Friday The Thirteenth: Part 11’. The last thing the world needs is another remake, but until hollywood starts producing more original material, fans are going to have to cope with exploitative garbage such as this.

In case anybody’s interested, the next classic horror movie up for a ‘re-packaging’ is Wes Craven’s Nightmare On Elm Street. Whoop-Dee-Doo!


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