Toxic Holocaust- Hell On Earth (2006)

In League With Venom
Rating: 80%

Have you ever gone to Ebay and typed in 'thrash' in the search box, just to see what appeared? I can tell you from experience that you can find a ton of new bands this way. Most notably for me was Toxic Holocaust. An auction was held for the Hell On Earth cd and a free patch and poster. I won the whole lot for $6.66 (how creative of the seller).  I had high hopes for this album, vintage logo, vintage art, vintage influences, I prayed they had a vintage sound.

My prayers were answered.

The Intro should give you a pretty good idea about what the album has in store, but it still comes as a total surprise when the slaying 'metallic crucifixion' kicks in. This is my favorite song on the record. Its brutal, heavy, fast, unforgiving, and strangely melodic. The only real problem with this song is the campy lyrics ("penetrate your fucking cunt with a crucifix"- beautiful) but what were you expecting when you looked at the incredible Ed Repka cover? The fucking Beatles!?!

Hell On Earth doesn't let up. Track after track is a raw heavy metal assault that reminds the listener of what a true thrash record sounds like. The title track and 'Send Them to hell' are two examples of main-man Joel Grind's ability to take early black metal to new heights of blistering ferocity.

You might sense that Im getting a bit excited about this record, but its a record worth getting excited about. Consider it the true follow up to "Under The Sign Of The Black Mark", consider it "Black Metal Part Two", or consider it the best blackened thrash metal album of the decade, which is what it truly is.

Violator: Chemical Assault (2007)

To Love Thrash is to Love Violator
Rating: 80%

Dedication to music is rare these days. Illegal Downloading and sub-par musicianship make this extremely evident in American culture. From the very beginning metalheads have had to dig deep underground for bands that truly embody the spirit of a metal warrior, to have pride in what they do, and to wear their music like a badge of honor. Violator from Brazil have redefined what it means to play the music they love. They walk the walk and they talk the talk, the talk being some of the most impressive thrash I've ever heard. 


Their sound can be compared to a buzz saw thats gone off the fritz. Its a frenzied assault of blasting metallic fury specifically designed to whip the audience into a thrashing rage. 
Violator strive to become the thrash metal juggernauts they've learned to love. Taking influence from a wide spectrum of speed and thrash bands from Forbidden, Testament and Exodus to Sodom, Destruction and Kreator. Hell, just look at their denim vests for a complete list. They do it right, and they do it well, extremely well. The guitars are heavy and ripping, the vocals are high-pitched to perfection, and their Troma-esque image fits extremely well with their sound. 


The primitiveness of the production make this all the more brutal and all the more vintage sounding, kind of like digging up that old Exodus record and playing on the old stereo you havent touched in 15 years.

Dedication to music is rare these days, but Violator prove that if you believe and love the music you make, you can realize your goals, even if that goal is to thrash yourself into a coma. Mission accomplished!!!

Fueled By Fire: Spread the Fire (2006)

The Spinal Tap of Thrash Metal
Rating: 45%

After becoming a huge fan of Municipal Waste, Toxic Holocaust, and Merciless Death, I decided to look for more of these 'retro-thrash' bands, since they seemed pretty good. First I found Violator (amazing), then I found Evile (awesome), then, well, then I found Fueled By Fire. I had been hearing things for a while about this band, most notably in the liner notes to Merciless Death's Evil In The Night Cd. I decided to check em' out after I found Spread The Fire at a used record store for $3.99.  I was reluctant though, looking at the tracks I noticed the first song was called "Ernest goes to Hell". Ernest Goes To Hell? What the fuck is that? Is that supposed to be funny? The only thing that made me laugh was that every member of this band looks like a talentless Chuck Billy!

The rules say not to make fun of a bands image, but seriously, this band takes it WAAAYYY overboard. Their cover depicts a thrasher choking an emo kid. Okay, thats pretty cool. Also on the cover is a sticker proclaiming "THE RETURN OF OLD SCHOOL THRASH!!!!". Ummm, okay Im aware this is a thrash metal record, thank you very much. Then there are an over-abundance of lyics in the vein of "The Return Of Thrash". It gets extremely ridiculous looking at the band members posing on the inside cover. Almost as if this band is trying to convince the listener that they're thrash metal by saying it over and over and over and over. Theres an Aerosmith song I think these guys should hear, its called "Let The Music Do The Talking"


Now to the actual music itself. Its really not too bad. Pretty generic riffs, mid-paced, campy lyrics, un-inspired blandness. Actually, this is really bad. Not one track stands out. The only ones I can remember is 'Ernest' and 'Thrash is Back', only because they were insanely stupid and lame.

All in all, FBF are one of the leaders of the retro-thrash movement (yes, its a fucking MOVEMENT!), but its surprising considering there are much better bands in the genre.  Just looking at FBF, its no reason why people dont take retro-thrash seriously. Theyre posers, plain and simple. They take the image, the lyrics, and the music into new heights of heavy metal mediocracy. FBF have no power, nothing that makes them stand out from a crowd, and leaves the listener with a bad tase in their mouths, like theyve just listened to 45 minutes of a new spinal Tap album, only its more depressing then funny.

I want my $3.99 back.

A Genuine Assault of Uncompromising Thrash

Merciless Death- Evil In the Night (2006)
Rating: 75%

Another brutal album cover by legendary artist Ed Repka 

In a sea of heavy metal repetitiveness and mediocracy, few bands actually achieve the status of true defenders of the thrash metal faith. With their debut album, Evil In The Night, Merciless Death cement their position on the forefront of the retro thrash movement, along with Municipal Waste, Toxic Holocaust, and Fueled By Fire. 

Many dismiss these bands as trendy posers rehashing old-school thrash. Evil in The Night proves these accusations to be false. The members prove to be true fans of the genre by paying tribute to their thrash metal heroes (the liner notes even include a list of bands that have influenced them). Knowing this, its easily assumed that there is a lack of creativity occurring on Evil In The Night. These assumptions are proved correct when the listener is hit with the retro vocals extremely similar to Zetro (of Exodus fame). 

The fact that this band is simply a tribute to the metal giants of the 80s is quickly forgotten as Merciless Death thrash out song after song with aggressive power. Through the madness of these incredible tracks, one becomes instantly aware of the genuine love the members have for the music they play. Its obvious that the power that Merciless Death possesses is impossible to fake and its simply ignorant to think otherwise. 

Overall, this is a fantastic album that thrashes from start to finish without any mercy or remorse for the posers that may be listening. Its music FOR metalheads, made BY metalheads. Its extremely impressive to know that this is the bands debut album. It will be very exciting to see Merciless Death grow out of the thrash metal tribute band they are today and find their own identity as musicians. Either way, you better bet your ass its gonna kill em' all.

Sick Animation- Sex Drugs and Rock n' LOL music review

In an era dominated by political correctness, where American culture has been rinsed out and squeezed dry like a dirty washcloth, true, no-holds-barred and independently produced comedy, unrestrained by pressure to appeal to a broad audience, can be truly refreshing to those seeking something different. Sick Animation’s new album, ‘Sex, Drugs, and Rock n’ LOL’, offers just that, an escape from the sterile and edgeless humor of our time. The lyrics are awash with one obscenity after the next, referencing almost every sexual taboo known to the western world, all the while retaining a sharp wit and a playful demeanor, even when shouting ‘You a Dike Ho! Now get the fuck off of my porch.’ It’s offensive, and it’s utterly wrong, but it’s all in good fun.

On the cover of the album is a drawing of the mustachioed creator and mastermind behind the album, Marc M, who has gained a cult following on the internet with his cartoon animations and comics. He released his first album, ‘The Ultimate party Collection Vol. 1’ a couple years ago. While the album contained some of his best material to date, highlights being the smooth ‘When I Lay You Down’ and the thigh-moistening ‘Black History Month’, with over 40 songs, it was hardly consistent.

‘Sex, Drugs, Rock n’ LOL’, on the other hand, is leaner, with only 18 tracks (including four skits), and all together more satisfying, in a narrower sense. What is truly spectacular about the record is its level of musical competence. One only has to listen to the infectiously hummable chorus to ‘Summer Rain’ or to the catchy vocal harmonies on ‘Put it on the Table’ to realize the true quality of the songwriting. Elsewhere, Marc M. recreates the magical flow found on ‘When I Lay You Down’ on the brilliant ‘This Slut’. With such reckless and taboo lyrics as ‘Osama got pissed off, cause I fucked his bitch with my infidel dick on soft’, and with a heavy and melodic chorus, the track is a true gem in the world of comedy.

Sick Animation is an underground hero in American comedy. This independently produced record, although crude and not tailored for mass consumption, is a testament to creativity and the ability to express oneself. With a distinctive style and personality, ‘Sex, Drugs, and Rock n’ LOL’ should be on the shelf of anyone who has ever saluted an American flag, or has laughed at an anal sex joke.

King Of The Dead: A Romero Retrospective

George A. Romero is considered by many horror fans to be one of the most accomplished and widely influential filmmakers of the genre, his specialty being the congested yet ever-popular sub-genre of zombie films. With his now-classic independent horror film ‘Night of the Living Dead’ in 1968, Romero established himself as a rare and indispensable innovator of the seemingly tired horror genre. By effectively mixing violent terror and campy sci-fi nightmare scenarios with genuine social commentary and quality film-making, Romero produced a horror film unlike any others of its time. Romero would build upon his legacy in the years to come, directing such major films as ‘Creepshow’ and ‘The Dark Half’, but what the films he will forever be associated with are those which comprise his acclaimed ‘Dead’ series. Although the ‘Dead’ films take place in the same universe, each installment is unique in its own regard, retaining their own separate merits and faults, distinguished by their methods of inspiring terror and fear. With a new Dead film, Survival of the Dead, lurking on the horizon, now would be an appropriate time to take a look back on these genre defining films.

Night of the Living Dead (1968)

Romero’s first film, produced on a meager budget of $114,000, has remained a fan favorite and midnight movie staple since its original release. Throughout the years the film has been widely praised for its serious, realistic tone, its documentary style black-and-white film stock and cinematography, and its bold yet refreshing observations on human behavior in times of crisis. What the film is arguably best known for is its ground-breaking depiction of violence, considered tame by today’s standards but horrifying in the 60’s. Theaters which screened the film upon its initial release would distribute barf bags to the audience members. It’s also worth noting that this film was brave enough to utilize a black man as its hero in the height of the civil rights movement.

Dawn Of the Dead (1978)

Romero’s follow-up to Night is often considered to be not only the best of the ‘Dead’ series but also one of the greatest horror films ever made. In it, four police officers take refuge in a shopping mall during a zombie invasion. Dawn of the Dead retained a great deal of its predecessor’s best qualities, including its role as a social critique (this time as a condemnation of American consumerism), but it took its depiction of violence and carnage to another level of extremity, thanks in no small part to the make-up effects by industry legend Tom Savini. Bright red blood can be found in almost every frame of this movie, and the blue zombie make-up, new at the time, makes them look truly realistic and grimy. The violence can be excessive at times; resulting in moments which can be either terrifying or hilarious, depending on the perspective of the viewer. For example, in the opening scene of the film some poor guy’s head explodes in grisly detail after a crazy cop shoots him on a rampage. I guess that’s a pretty easy way to get the audience’s attention. The 2004 remake is also pretty good, but needless to say not as good as the original.



Day of the Dead (1985)

This film is hated by many fans simply because it doesn’t share the non-stop action and carnage of its popular predecessor. Instead, its main focus is on character, specifically on the human response to constant isolation and imminent death, one which will almost inevitably be of sheer panic and eventual self-destruction. It’s more similar to Night in that regard. In the film, several survivors of a zombie invasion, comprising of a mixed bag of scientists and army personnel, hide from the zombies in a military bunker underneath the Florida everglades. Throughout the film the soldiers, specifically the psychopathic Captain Rhodes, demand respect and immediate results from the unruly scientists, who want only to find a solution to the zombie problem. The film is slow-burning and talky, but it results in an exciting climax which features some of the most insane kills in the history of zombie fiction. The terrible 80’s synthesizer soundtrack and bizarre side-characters with wacky ethnic accents nearly ruin the tone of the film, but it is salvaged by one of the most loathsome villains in film history, Captain Rhodes, who steals every scene he appears in with his psychopathic rage and unpredictability.

Return of the Living Dead (1985)

This one isn’t technically part of the ‘Dead’ series and it wasn’t directed by George Romero, but because it considers itself to be an alternate sequel to the original Night, and because it’s so awesome, I feel it deserves a mention. Return tells the tale of two inept medical warehouse workers who accidentally release a gas which triggers an unexpected zombie awakening. Unfortunately for a group of partying teenagers (a strange mix of Brat packers and Lost Boys), the zombies interrupt their wild graveyard rave. Bogus! With hilarious writing and improve style acting, as well as the constant 80’s cultural references and unique zombie design (especially the classic ‘Tarman’), this a truly enjoyable zombie classic. Stay clear of its sequels.

Land of the Dead (2005)

It took Romero 20 years to produce the fourth installment of his Dead series, and many fans believe it wasn’t worth the wait. Land of the Dead tackles both social and political issues while retaining a constant sense of suspense and excitement, but the viewer is somewhat distanced by the over-stylization absent from Romero’s previous films. The film revisits the familiar idea that zombies have the ability to learn and will eventually adapt to the conditions around them, but some of the scenes in which a giant zombie pumps another zombie’s gas is just too silly to take seriously. That being said, Land of the Dead is a solid zombie flick, but it is not the same caliber film as its three predecessors.

Diary of the Dead (2008)

Filmed in the handheld style of Cloverfield, Diary of the Dead follows a group of aspiring filmmakers who document themselves as they run away from zombies. The film is exciting and continues the familiar social commentary one would expect from a ‘Dead’ film, but it lacks originality, perhaps because zombie films are so common nowadays and it’s becoming increasingly difficult to stand out from the crowd. Although it is by no means bad, the film simply doesn’t live up to the first three of the series.

The new Romero film, Survival Of The Dead, will be released on May 24th.

The Runaways (2010)

This film had the potential to be great: a coming of age tale about a beautiful young girl who is suddenly drafted into the American dream only to be chewed up and spit out before getting her feet off the ground. Familiar story, yes, but a powerful one which would have worked well against a rock n’ roll backdrop. The story exists somewhere in the mess which is The Runaways, buried beneath a sea of corny dialogue and inane subplots. This film is one huge distraction from its mediocre screenplay. There are music montages, concert performances and random musical breaks littering the screen from the very beginning and it becomes exhausting quickly, especially considering how dreadful the actual music is. Somebody should have told writer/director Floria Sigismondi that she was making a MOVIE, not a music video.

Here’s the skeleton of the plot: Cherri Currie (Dakota Fanning) is a young girl living in Los Angeles who is constantly surrounded by sex and alcohol. She has seen these vices take a great toll on her family and friends, especially her father, who is an alcoholic dead-beat. At the same time, young rebel Joan Jett (Kristen Stewart) wanders the city streets with a dream of becoming a rock star. The ambitious Jett convinces scummy music producer Kim Fowley to help her start her own group. Fowley, who recognizes this as an opportunity to exploit fresh young talent, embraces Jett and forms a band around her, a band which is completed by the addition of Cherri as the singer. Good girl Cherri is initially taken aback by the raunchy lyrics she’s asked to sing, but after a while Fowley and the other band members peer pressure her into singing them. Soon enough, Cherri becomes so consumed with the debauchery and decadence of rock star life that she abandons her morals completely and becomes a helpless victim of sex and drug abuse.

As I mentioned before, the music video style of this film is distracting and annoying at times, but the one critical error which manages to drag it down considerably is its confusion as to where to focus its story. The writers must have been torn as to what direction to take their film: whether it should be a rock n’ roll bio-pic focusing on the Runaways as a band, or a coming-of-age saga focusing solely on the singer Cheri Currie (whose auto-biography the screenplay is based on). Instead of coming to an actual creative decision, the writers went down both roads, focusing on both Cherri Currie and, to a lesser extent, Joan Jett at the same time.

Bad move. The sequences focusing on Jett seem peripheral and detrimental to the flow of the film, whereas the scenes featuring Cherri Currie seem to shine with greater depth and accuracy. Gee, I wonder why? Could it be because her story was based on another source (her auto-biography)? Yes, I would wager so. Eventually (and thankfully), the film abandons whatever Joan Jett story arc the writers were trying to establish to focus solely on Cherri Currie ( maybe because they ran out of ideas). Obviously, the film would have benefitted if its focus was exclusive to Currie from the beginning, but they just had to shove in an inane Joan Jett story (“Girls can’t play guitar!” “Oh yeah, I’ll show you!”) in order to appeal to a wider audience.

The decision to cast Dakota Fanning and Kristen Stewart as the leads inspired some undeserved controversy when it was announced, but they gave some good performances despite the confused screenplay. It seemed like they were using this film solely for the purpose of shedding their ‘good girl’ images, but after seeing the actual film I was impressed by their work. They prepared for their roles by rehearsing Runaway songs for a whole month, which is funny because they probably practiced more than the original band.

Overall, the film suffers greatly from a weak screenplay, a lack of clarity, and an ill-fitting tone. What could have been a great film about disillusionment with the American dream was instead turned into a late-night VH1 special. This film is like an AC/DC shirt for sale at WAL-MART; it has no soul or purpose, it just… exists.